2017 - 2019 -

People usually said 

 more pain, more gains

Sure in a rela with Minh helped me learn a lots, such as considering and value my family, friends and myself

The chain which his name on it, that he gave me 

I tried to throw it away, but it came back

so I guess I have to give it back to him, hand by hand, as my sis said so 

"What belongs to whom, must be returned exactly to that person."

I didn't believe so, but I just right back to me, 

so I have to unblock him and gave him 

He said, " Hi, sweeties, thanks a lot." with lustful eyes. 

Gross arose :) 

I even can't hold my eyes on him anymore

even just a sec, so I ran quickly to my bro

The chain and that appointment helped me realize that I haven't healed what he caused me 

although we already broke up for 2 or 3 years 

Before then 

He still asked me out for coffee or called on the New year's Eve night and drunk, and blaming, complaining 

"We could make it, we almost make it."

I was so pissed off and mocked him a ton of things, 

"You should obey your dad and be a good son, as he never liked me. Your dad and cousin talked bad about me, as you talked shit about my mom and sister..." Sth like those words

I was happy to witness him upset and hang up. It was worth it.

I feel gross not because he was my ex but for what he did to me

Love and sex should be holy, especially the respect and agreement between two people in the relationship 

but hell no

he was desperately selfish and never care about what I wanted, my emotional state, or my health issue 

I love to sleep and lay down with my partner, but all he wants to do is "fuck" 

every time, every day, every single time I met him. 

"I'm tired today, can we just talk, watch movie, or take a nap."
"I'm kinda sick, I really don't want to do it today..."
"I've just back from work, can we not do it." 

"Hey, I need a rest. I feel hurt in the vag, cuz yesterday, we... you know... "

and so many times, no matter how I asked, begging, crying ...

it still ended I was "raped" 

I mean making love should be beautiful and sacred, but mine was forced, violent, bloody, painful,